Classical musicians tend to date their fellow musicians, and for obvious reasons. It’s far easier to make connections with people who spend all their time in the same little bubble as you, plenty of whom would make a sensitive and understanding partner.
But it’s a big world out there and non-musicians can have a lot going for them too, like stable employment and an apartment with more than one room in it. Their totally ordinary lives will come as a complete culture shock at first, though, so you had better come prepared. If you find yourself on a date with a layman, don’t forget these seven tips:
1) Over-dramatize what you do.
The person you are dating has most likely seen the film Whiplash and assumes it’s a more or less accurate depiction of your life. To play the part, you will need to find ways of communicating the psychological torture you endure on a regular basis. On your next coffee date, try leaving the table in a frenzied panic and pacing around the café, yanking at your own hair and chanting the word “phrasing” repeatedly in a loud whisper. You’ll be irresistible.
2) Use obscure musical terms.
Casually refer to “enharmonic equivalents” and “double expositions” when recapping your day so as to confuse and intimidate your date.
3) Find some common ground.
Good luck with this one. They don’t even get why you have to practice. Doesn’t that just mean you’re not that good?
4) Always remember to breathe.
If you don’t breathe, you will die.
5) Mention that a musician’s passion translates to the bedroom.
And that you know from experience.
6) If you play the viola, never let them hear you practice or perform.
This would be a huge turn-off for both of you.
7) When you finally get back to your place, put on your favorite Brahms Intermezzo and listen together in silence. Then start to cry.
Now the power is yours.
Okay, you’re all set! Next time you see a non-musician, swipe right!